terasa nak meluahkan ketidakpuasan hati.

prinsip hidup saya mudah.pertama;diri sendiri buat salah,jangan rasa berat nak ucap kata maaf.ucapan maaf bukan bermakna ego diri tercalar,tapi lebih kepada menggambarkan diri sendiri sedar dan tahu bahawa semua orang buat salah,diri anda buat salah dan tiada siapa yang sempurna dimuka bumi milik Dia ini.kedua;walaupon orang tu,pada mulanya saya amat hormati,sangat2 saya hormati..tapi sekali dia buat saya rasa hilang hormat terhadapnya,,maaflah.

kalau setakat hendak menunjukkan belang konon2nya diri hero dengan bersikap 'protective' terhadap pasangan anda yang belum pon sah disisi agamaNya,dengan menghantar sistem pesanan ringkas terhadap orang lain dan menuduh semberono tanpa usul periksa,,kemudian di alam realiti menunjuk2 bahawa saya lah hero dan saya lah paling benar dan orang lain salah...tuuuiiiihhhh! pada saya orang macam ni lah sesuai digelar muka tembok paling tebal dalam dunia yang langsung tak bertamadun.sama2 lah kita ingat,kalau kau rasa 'dia' ada 'kau',kau jangan lupa aku yang teraniaya ini punya Dia.

oh.lagi satu. saya paling pelik orang yang begitu gah dan yakin menyebut pasal hak bla bla bla bla dosa bla bla bla bla tapi ketika dia sedang sibuk mengutarakan kesemua perkara tersebut,dia sedang melakukan dosa dan mencabuli hak orang lain.macam nak pegi dekat2 dan beritahu "pls,talk to my hand,i'm begging you oh my".

hukum alam ni senang,rasanya semua orang pernah dengar kan..buat baik berpada2,buat jahat jangan sekali. buat baik akan dibalas baik,buat jahat akan dibalas jahat.alaaaaa,remeh kan. sebab belum kene kat batang hidung sendiri. sama2 beringat laa kawan. Dia Maha Adil.

sejak dua menjak ni,hati rasa sakit,mata makin menyampah tengok benda2 yang kalau boleh nak get rid cepat2,tangan rasa ringan nak menampar orang. tapi diri cuba ditenangkan juga. nasib ada bola tampar sebagai penyelamat,boleh lah nak membayangkan apa yang patut ketika menampar bola. tak gitu? cuma haruslah buat pengorbanan terhadap nota2 yang diamanahkan,dari tulisan tangan ke 'tulisan' komputer.harap faham lah ye kawan2,jari jemari dan tangan makin membengkak untuk 2minggu ni.

ps:sori,terlebih emo pulak harini. peace no war~

malas

salam. bermalas-malasan di hari sabtu yang indah dengan angin sepoi2 bahasa. bukak mata di pagi hari,kelihatan awan biru yang sangat cantik. *bgn lewat. selalunya awan masih gelap. kerja dalam waiting list tak pernah selesai..tapi pedulikan mereka. penat badan seminggu belum hilang..baru seminggu,rasa macam dah sebulan penat dan kerja menimbun lepas bukak cuti haritu..haih. nekad. esok baru mula memaksa otak bekerja semula. yoshhhh!


ps: -rumah kosong. bosan amat.
-tak sabar nak sarung jubah coklat ade jalur2 emas lagi 4 tahun :)

cinta mukabuku by najwa latiff? bukan...cinta buku by gugu. hehe :)

iman: ma,hari ni A n B da kawen. diorg tu bgs sgt.
mama: pe yg bgs?
iman: yelaaa...brcinta takde sape taw,tunang pon tak taw..tup tup da kawen. tak mcm C n D,bkn main tunang 1 dunia taw,bercinta tak payah cakap laaa..meletop. tak macam tunang,macam da kawen je tgk ke hulu ke hilir same2...tapi kawen lambat lagi.
mama: btol laaaa,tunang tak kecoh2. bercinta bagai nak rak asyik berkepit tp nanti tak jadi kawen lagi parah.
iman: btol btol.
mama: iman bercinta tak?
iman: huh?
mama: yelaaaa...mana taw iman pon bercinta mama tak taw.
iman: ke situ pulak.......
mama: mama tanya je...
iman: bercinta laaaaa.....dengan buku mama. tapi yg ni semua orang taw. orang semua doakan lagi supaya ktorg 'nikah'.
mama: ha?ble?
iman: hari grad nanti. insyaAllah he he
mama: *dlm hati sbr jelaaaaaaa

nota kaki:
1.btw,iman tu sy ye..bkn jiran sblh sbb ade org penah tnye iman tu spe...sengal btol..
2.tak payah tunang laaa senang,tunang setengah jam before nikah pon oke pe kn...
3.arghhhhhhh lg 2 hari je kene mengulangi jadual kehidupan ituuuuuuuuu...

Update-Whisked.

I've abandoned this blog for far too long. Seems to me like inspiration strikes only when I'm at my lowest. Which is GOOD in a way I suppose! Just goes to show that I've been considerably happy?

I don't quite know where to begin. More often than not, I find myself between a rock and a hard place. I spend every waking moment beating my brains out, figuring out how to cut myself loose from this vicious cycle. I feel like I've tried every single approach only to find myself back to where I started, if not worse.

What is it?

What is this thing that's putting a squeeze on everything I do?

It exasperates me to think that with every try, the distance between me and this very thing I'm trying to achieve is becoming wider until eventually it consigns itself to oblivion. I'm not talking about medicine or anything in relation to it, don't worry. I know what I aspire to be. Its just the personage behind that very aspiration is the one I'm struggling to connect with.

I have little friends. I used to complain about it. And people denied it. I think I would know more about it than you would. I associate myself with people who really care about me - the kind who will cry for me, the kind who will laugh with me, the kind who will do the 'hallelujah dance' with me, the kind whom I know will love me no matter what. Its hard to find that, it really is. And I thank my lucky stars I've found them. Blame circumstances for not letting us be together for more and a few days a year. Pity.

Social situations unnerve me. I hardly let anyone in. I've experienced hurt too much, walls go up in reflex to interaction with people I'm not accustomed to. My eyes grow heavy, your voice crackles in my ear, and I exercise my brain in effort to string together words to come up with a barely coherent reply. I hardly think its nonchalance, but its definitely not the nerves. Often, I jump ahead far... Maybe a bit too far. I sum you up, who you are, what you want and ultimately what you think of me. If the equation adds up to 'he/she isn't the real deal' I'll try my best to appear engaged when all I want to do is look stoic and disappear. I do this quite a lot. More than you think. I want to feel sorry, honest to God I do. But I just don't. What I've learned after being thrown into the real world is that I shouldn't give even as much as thought to people who do not matter. Time to take off the rose-colored glasses and see things as they are and treat them as they are.

Someone once told me that she didn't quite know what the secret to success is but she knew for a fact that the secret to failure is trying to please everyone. You'll never make it across the meadow without trampling over a few daisies. True. Spread yourself thin and you'll only end up lost.

Sounds just about right doesn't it?

Then why do I find myself still in between two worlds? One foot in each. Neither wanting to be there.

I have this burning desire to escape reality.

But I don't quite know how.

ps: pharmacology notes.*sigh **I might complain at times especially about having to study and memorize procedures, but heck that's what med school is about anyway. :)